In my dreams, You & I

In my dreams, there's a lot of noise and I'm scared of all the wrongs that could have happened. In my dreams, there's people and voices and colors and dreams. In my dreams something goes wrong but my mind is unable to comprehend all of it. In my dreams, I finally find you but we still haven't made up for all the wrongs we did. In my dreams, we are talking too much and too fast. I want us to slow down. I don't want this to end. I want to look into your eyes a little longer. I want to ask you how you've been, but it is all happening way too fast. You are driving the car and saying things I don't understand. Somehow between the chaos my hand touches you and its all calm and silent now. You smile at me as if saying you've missed me too. And I think that is the reason I don't remember what we were talking. Even in my dreams your smile has that effect on me. And then we stop talking verbally cause it's never worked for us and talk through smiles and glances again.

Beyond this

Picture this: Somewhere in the northern hemisphere, there's a beautiful rain-forest. The moon is shining bright and full in the clear waters of the woods and the young stag has come to admire his magnificent set of antlers. A young doe watches him from afar and I'm hoping the lions don't find them tonight. Not tonight. Please. Not this night.

Picture this: Somewhere in a different universe there's a war in the name of peace just like down here, and two lovers decide to set out to find the Earth in hopes of having a better life and I'm praying we learn the value of love before our guests arrive.

Picture this: The sun-rays found their way to the glaciers and the sea finally commits to the shore, and the whole world is drowning as they make love to each other.


The lions didn't kill those deers and we didn't get an opportunity to disappoint our visitors. The nature decided to take over and now, it's way too late for the sorries and I love yous.  

Messy hair, lazy eyes
Beautiful day, with you by my side
A long forgotten "once upon a time"...

Even when summer left,
you were always there to give me warmth
Even when autumn came,
you'd keep me close cause I hated the storms
Even when winter came,
you wouldn't let the cold cause harm
And when spring finally showed it's face,
we danced around like flowers new formed...

But some stories can not be penned down because there never were any words exchanged to document, never any feelings portrayed. It all perhaps happened in glances and daydreams. In thoughts and deep within the crevices of the heart. Some stories can not be penned down because they died in the thoughts and the what ifs. Because they died long before they even began.

Not much to the story, just one mistake
you screamed lonely
& I heard stay...

An Unfinished Journey

Two room apartment
Place for a 100
Laughter echoing
Of hearts unbruised
A bunch of kids
Living life of their dreams
They played fairytales
While living it off screen
They defeated dragons
And fought with every evil being
Set out on journeys
Along the seas
The ships never reached their destination
And no one cared
Cause the journey gave every pleasure
No destination could have spared
The games soon ended
Up the kids grew
To better places
Each one flew
Big houses now
But place for no one
The laughter now
Sans any emotion
There's no time for fairytales
The evil ones won
The ship never reached its destination
And every old passenger
Still its journey longs...

When the nightmares become home, healing awaits...

Sometimes the nightmares don't end. So you learn them by heart and lose yourself in its darkness. You sit right through it, eyes wide open. You touch every scar and stare at every broken dream. You don't take a detour when you see his face, you walk right past him; shoulders squared and head high. Everything is familiar. The scars. The dreams. The pain. Everything less scary each passing moment. Sometimes the nightmares don't end, to make you learn to live through it. 

The WOMEN they want us to be, the MEN they refuse to raise

Eyes down, voice low
You can't think of walking out that door
Oh no!
That place is for your brother, your father, your uncle
Your place is in the kitchen, please remember
The sacred chamber, forbidden for men
Your hands are for the dishes, for clothes, for care
for greator things their hands are spared
Like raising them on the lower race like yours
Like tracing them over skin they claim as theirs
Shove away those ambitions, burn down those dreams
Oh and keep it all low,
You're not allowed to scream
Not when your feelings are trampled upon
Not even when you feel you can't go on
Talk like a lady, walk like a lady
Heads down, no frown
You've gotta be the best girl in the town
Best according to their terms
The world will judge, the world will confirm
Paste a smile on that face
So strong that no sadness should anyone trace
Oh and the ever so common over exploited phrase
"Be patient." They'll say
For all your enslaved days
No mistake can you make
No human can you like
The plague of the "family's name", around your neck is tied
However when the question of a baby arises
they'll turn around and pray for a baby boy
Because they need a boy to carry the family's name ahead
But the family's respect oh that on your shoulders does rest
He? He's allowed to fall in love
And he's allowed to fall in dirt
But you are a she
And no such thing about you can be heard
He's doing his parents a favor, finding himself a bride
Testing and taking around different girls for a ride
Oh and its alright!
Cause this in no way affects the family's pride
But you, no no
You aren't even allowed to look at a guy
Pray, why?
Cover yourselves don't let anyone see
They forgot to teach their sons, to let us be
They taught their daughters, and their neighbour's daughters and every daughter within reach
While their sons were out of hands, way too far to seek
Boys will be boys, they'll say
Please find yourself a man, I pray
you're not allowed to question why
just the difference of one chromosome has made them so dignified
Why your mistake is a sin
And his mistake a mistake?
Why from all the blame, is the male gender spared?
Lips sealed, conceal all the misdeals
They don't have answers for questions like these

The clock says it's late
To sit up in agony
To stay up and wait
So I walk up the porch, give one last glance at the road
And lock the door
I get in my bed
But leave lights on
Just in case you were to drive past
Just in case you wanted to come back
I want you to think I'm up
Because I am.

Hold On

The pain will end. The storm will pass. The sun will shine and light up your heart. You won't remember how you got in or how you got through, but you'll remember the happiness greeting like an old friend, promising you warmth and safety and happiness. You'll smile. You'll laugh. There's only way up after the fall. You'll find new faces to make your day, this pain soon will fade away. You will be able to look back without the pain in your chest, just remember God throughout your quest. No where else will true happiness you find, after all they are all human, no one divine. Your God has carried you through the storm, when no one gave you their supportive arms. All night long he heard you cry, build you up and made you fly. Long after you'd lost all hope, Allah showed you an open door. And now that you're happy do not forget, how he let you bend but never break.

....And I loved you when you came running to me one cold december evening and held my hand telling me you need to run and I started off without a question because your eyes showed sadness and you wanted to escape it. So we ran on that deserted highway till the end of the road and you screamed his name and cried and cried and held on to me and I had to give you a piggyback ride back home because you refused to walk. I loved all your pointless dramas and senseless demands, a part of you just open to me. I loved how I knew you like no one did.

(Excerpt from an unfinished tale that might never get its happily ever after)

I can hear the gushing water nearby. I know I'm close. I run. I fall. I get up and run faster. And finally stop when I see it. Clear waters reflecting the colors of the rainbow fall down the hill into a cloud of white foam. The sound deafens me. I'm gasping for air after all that run. My hand on my knees. I look around. I can't find him. I feel sick in my stomach and the world around me swirls. I'm falling but I don't hit the ground. His arms surround me, "Easy, baby girl!", he chuckles in my ears.
This guy. This guy will be the death of me.

(Excerpt from a story I might write.)