Choosing The One

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ 
- [30:21]
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.

We have a pretty messed up idea about love; butterflies and fireworks and roses and balloons. The idea of love in Islam is SO much more deeper than that. The person you love shouldn't give you the feeling of being on a roller coaster 24×7. It should be their hand that'd give you the feeling of safety on that roller coaster. When you choose a spouse, look beyond the face, the bank balance and the car. Look at the heart, the thoughts, the deen. When the initial attraction, the "crazy in love" phase ends, what remains is the love, the respect you have for each other. How strong your bond is and what exactly is it based on. If your love is directly proportional to the number of dinner dates and cute texts you get, you're headed for some serious dissappointment. Because after the "crazy in love" phase, there's work to do. She has a house to take care of and he has work to do, to sustain that house. What remains is the care, the affection you have for them. Will she happily cancel her friday night plan cause you had to work overtime and came back  home  too tired to even ask her how her day was? Is she considerate enough to take your office bag from you with a smile and let you sleep peacefully without throwing a fit? And when you are too tired to even open your eyes to make him breakfast because the baby kept you up all night, will he still leave with a kiss on your sleeping face? And when you are being unnecessarily difficult because of all the stress and all the lack of sleep, will he be patient and  thoughtful? Will he still take you in his arms to calm you down? It all comes down to loving the difficult parts of each other. The part that makes us flawed; human. It all comes down to accepting the fact that your partner isn't perfect and that's perfectly fine. It all comes down to loving each other in spite of all the difficulties, to helping each other be the best version of themselves. It all comes down to being the comfort that Allah made us for them, to being their one safe place in this flawed flawed world.